Things are going from bad to worse in our relationship. After overhearing the 'joke' conversation about smothering me with a cushion, I have just heard her on the phone talking to someone. Here are some of the highlights of the conversation:
Well, tell me. Did I want a cat? No. I wanted a dog. And instead I am stuck with this manky, smelly fur shedder with crusty legs. He's using me. That's what it is. He uses me. Ungrateful animal.
Then, suddenly seeing me, Oh, hello old puss. What do you want NOW?
I threw up instantaneously. Twice, on that precious carpet of hers. She had to hang up the phone and get the kitchen roll.
I don't know what I had been eating, but it was green and foamy like ocean spume. I inspected it closely as she was trying to clean up. Not even a mention of a tummy rub. She's lying down now, complaining that 'her appetite has been ruined for the weekend'.
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