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So, I sat in my new cage in my new home. It was quite roomy and I could see the whole length of a sofa and the telly if I positioned myself properly. She fed me but she wouldn't look at me, or speak to me and she certainly never tried to pet me.

I was astonished at this behaviour. I sat for hours on end just watching her. What was wrong with me? Why was she more interested in everything else? I showed off my paper shredding skills, checking to see if she was watching. Not a flicker, but she turned the TV up a little. I used the toilet - noisily and messily. She got up and went out of the room, coming in later with a drink and staring out the window. Then she cleaned my toilet, but still wouldn't look at me. Later she put on some music and danced around the room a little.

I was out of prison, and in an asylum.