Wake up, lazy bones

We had a house guest last night. There was a lot of giggling and drinking and perving at boys on the telly. We had fish and chips for our tea.

Our guest left early this morning. But my bird's bedroom door stayed closed. I hung around for hours waiting for her to get up. Eventually, I stood on the landing and noisily prepared myself for purging. Eventually, she opened the door and I threw up all over the carpet. Then I started down the stairs, and threw up twice more.

'Oh dear', she said, all confused. 'That's not a very nice way to wake me up'. I paddled around a bit and then tracked it down the rest of the stairs, into the kitchen and then back up the stairs again.

And then I lay on her bed and watched her clean the landing and start working down the stairs. Exhausted, I dozed off.