Bad Santa

My first night wearing the collar was fitful and restless. I only managed 11 hours. In my dreams I was being chased by a dachsund on a sleigh. That bell was ring-dinging and my slender legs were a blur of fur as they flew through the snow.

Not rested at all, I staggered downstairs and found her in the kitchen where she looked at me, chortled and turned back to the sink. The corners of her mouth were turned up but she said
"you look so sweet in pink, chubby chops. It's very - erm - striking."

I sat down on my mat and gave her a hard stare for 17 minutes. She found it so unbearable that she eventually pulled on her poncho and left the house.

Thank god I don't have to walk down the street with her in that poncho.