Humiliation

So, she came in today all excited and showed me her shopping. Oh, a new bracelet I thought. What do you think of it, she asked me. Nice isn't it?

What can you say in situations like this? It's pink, with silver hearts on it. And a bell for goodness sake. And she is pushing middle age DOWN the hill. I pretended to find the raindrops down the window fascinating so she wouldn't expect a reply.

Then. I can't bear it. She asked me if I wanted to try it on and before I could say anything she had put it round my neck. And it's still round there.

Apparently I am wearing a 'collar'.