How to write an article

So earlier on, I was doing a bit of post-breakfast pre-lunch internet searching when she said to me, rather roughly:

'Get off that chair, Buster, some of us have got work to do'.

What work? I asked.

'Oh, I have an article to write today', she said, all puffed up.

I was mildly interested so I kept half an eye open while I was resting. This is how you write an article

• Sit down at computer
• Sigh loudly several times
• Ensure last sigh makes 'raspberry' sound
• Tippy tap for five minutes
• Get up and retune the radio
• Make pot of coffee
• Go to the shops to collect a paper
• Sit back down again
• Sigh several times
• Stand up
• Water the garden for half an hour
• Prepare brunch
• Eat brunch
• Read paper
• Send emails telling people you are writing an article
• Hang curtains
• Run a bath
• Sit in bath for half an hour

She's still up there now, working away at her article and listening to the radio while she splashes around. It's really hard work.